The Nightmare

Let's start this off by saying I NEVER ok.. very rarely remember my dreams.. but early this morning, I had one of those dreams that just rips your heart out and hands it on a platter to you.

I dreamt that Analise and I were at some kinda of huge aquarium like the ones at Bass Pro. Analise ran ahead of me and jumped in the tank and was looking for stuff on the bottom.. (she loves to do that) I come up to the tank and start yelling at her to get out. All I do is yell and she acts like she doesn't even hear me. I continue to yell and the next thing I know is... she starts gasping in water and dies right in front of me. As the dream continues, I wake up in bed next to Jason, he is so mad at me. All he says is, why didn't you jump in and save her. I run to the back room and my parents are going through old photos on a bed and I just look at them.. They look back up at me, but they don't say anything.. I run back to the kitchen screaming and crying hysterical and I get out a phone book to call the Table Rock Aquarium (that is the name of the place in my dream) to see where my baby Analise is. and then I wake up!

I immediately get out of bed and wipe my eyes and Rush to see if Analise is ok.. She is sound asleep...... As I walk back down the hallway back to bed..a few tears are run down my face and my heart is racing and it actually hurts. I can still hear Jason's voice from my dream, saying "why didn't you save her?" I still don't have an answer to that.... and yes my heart is still hurting... I wake Jason up and tell him the dream and he just holds me.

I guess that is why I probably shouldn't have read the Bible book of Hosea before bed. Anywhoo.. I just had to get this outta my mind and written down... Any ideas what it might mean? :-)

Thanksgiving and Showboatin... Branson Style!

I have just not had the time to blogg.. like I would like too.. so this one will sum up the past couple of weeks..

Thanks giving was amazing this year. We went to my brother's house. Johnnie made the turkey and yummy polish sausage and kraut (our polish tradition every year). oooo By the way we found and awesome European Market on Campbell Street in Springfield. It is a great store with very friendly polish owners! Jason made the mashed potatoes and I made the sweet potaoe soufle and green bean casserole. Dad made a great salad and some other dish.. that I didn't really care for .. (sorry dad) and of course.. my sister n law Sarah made her pies.. Chocolate, banana and sawdust.. yum yum..

We had a late lunch and then we played Rockband 2 and watch Hulk and hung out as a fam..

I am incredibly thankful this year. Jason and I went through so much in our marriage and we almost didn't make it. But we serve an incredible God and only by his strength and grace we are still together! At one point during the day Jason and I just looked at each other with tears coming down thinking of what this holiday could have been like if we were not a family..... We have sooooosooo much to be Thankful for. This January 25th we will celebrate our 12th anniversary. It will be an awesome day for us! That sums up Thanksging 2008!

One of the perks of living in a tourist town is getting free tickets to all the shows. Every year... one of my residents gives me Showboat tickets to the Branson Belle. It is a huge boat that cruises up and down Table Rock Lake. You get a very delicious meal and show! This year I took my mom and of course Analise. We had so much fun and I think the pictures will show exactly how much fun we had. Analise likes to take silly pics.

Here is the website if you would like to check it out!

http://www.showboatbransonbelle.com/

On a side note... My niece just turned 13 today!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESS!!!! Oh my goodness I am getting old! She is a teenager.. watch out Springfield..... I found a pic of Bess when she was probably about 5 or 6 and one of her and I from a week ago...... Tooo me.. she will always be that little 5 year old girl..... Love you Bessie.. and pretty please.. stop growing! :-)

My 5 year old and the talk!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

My 5 year old and "the talk"

I just finished bathing Analise and she looks up at me and says "Mommy, do I have a wiener or a hooha"? I said a what? "A wiener or a whooha MOMMY"! I'm like who said that? She says no one, I she just thought it up.. I'm like yeah right.. Well I figure since she is asking I might as well share the technical term for it, as any good parent should right? So I asked her if she has seen baby Fisher without his diaper and she says Yes. I said that God made boys and girls different and boys have penis' and Girls have vagina's. She just looks at me and laughs and says 'mommy I CAN'T say that, so I will just call them wieners and whoohas"!

I finished blow drying her hair and the whole time I am thinking about good parenting and how I should handle this situation and many more to come. So I shut the dryer off and say you know Analise, you can talk to mommy about anything, right? She just looks at me weird, like mommy is thinking to hard, and says "Yeah, Mom I know". I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling I have jumped a parenting hurdle. I put Lou to bed and run into the living room and tell Jason all about it, we giggle and then it hits us...... Our little girl is out there in the world with all those WIENERS!!! Oh no! Jason puts a spit shine on his rifle preparing for the future!

I'd rather give birth again

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I would rather give birth again!

I guess I should start from the beginning........ I was 8 and with my parents at one of there friends house. Well as usual all the kids were told to go to the basement. (If only they REALLY knew what all went on down there.. lol) The basement had that slippery cement. I was running away from a boy who was trying to kiss me. (looking back now... I should have stopped and laid a kiss on that boy that he would never forget!) anywhoo... so as I was running i fell flat on my face, cracking my 2 front teeth.

25 years later..... The root of one of the front teeth finally breathed its last breathe and died.. leaving me with a nasty infection and having to get a Root Canal!
Well, everyone that I talked 2 said that Root Canals are no big deal and dentristy has come a long way baby! I was still extremely nervous! 9:00 AM on Friday came all to soon, and the next thing I know I am laying on the dentist table and almost crying because I a so scared. Then the dentist says the magic words... Would I like some happy gas before the shot?? Who wouldn't want happy gas! So they hook it up over my nose and I breathe.. then about 10 seconds into it I feel REALLY happy. So I do what comes naturally and give my dentist 2 thumbs up and say "I am feeling great.. do whatever you gotta do"!! Well she starts laughing and drags out the HUGE needle! Luckily... I was HAPPY!!!

About 15 minutes into the procedure.. I see a very worried look on the dentists face. She asks if I am OK now and if she can take the happy gas off. Regretfully... I tell her I'm OK and take it off. Needless to say that 3 hours later and a whole lot of discomfort she finishes. She had to make 2 incisions and I had to have 5 shots! She also said that this was one of worst and most difficult Root canals ever! I am left very sore and with stitches in my mouth. She gave me some great pain meds, antibiotics and something for swelling because she said that she was pretty rough on my face. Honestly, I already knew that because at one point she was physically pulling me off the chair from my mouth. With it all over and done. I can say that I will not be doing this again in a VERY long time!!

I don't know who to be more mad at!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007



I don't know who to me more mad at!!!

1. My insurance man that said "your last ticket was almost 3 years ago, so your record is almost clear, be sure not to get a ticket"!

2. The fact that I was headed to Starbucks.. darn that addiction

3. At myself and the fact that I was speeding. (doesn't everyone)?

Anywhooo.. I got a speeding ticket..... again!

I think I need to learn how to bat my eyelashes and flirt a little more.. yea.. maybe that would work!

Can a girl just an ice coffee without spit in it.. please!

Here is another one!




Friday, July 20, 2007

Can a girl just get an ice coffee WITHOUT spit in it?

Being a Property Manager from time to time I have to evict people from their homes. (ok forget time to time.. pretty much all the time) Well, last week I had a particular bad one. She had a few chosen gestures and words for me. No big deal.. I had a few words for her too! I ended up having to trespass her off my property!

So this morning I slept in late and did have time for my addiction.. Starbucks, so I decided to get an ice coffee from McDonald's. I go through the drive thru and order very sweetly and pay my money and pull up to get my drink. I see a hand sticking out the window with my coffee.. I look up and of course... it is the girl I evicted!!! I pulled my arm back from grabbing my drink and I am about to just pull away and say forget it.. When she leans on the window edge and says I have been wanting to talk to you. I am sorry about what I said I was just stressed out. I was taken a back at this, but i went with it. I said that I do care, but I have a job to do... blah blah blah.. Well after the talk I take my coffee and I drive off.. I stare at the drink.. extremely thirsty and debate in my head about if I should drink it or not.

Well my thirst won and I drank it... so far so good.. I am not sick and I guess I will never know if she is back at McDonald's laughing her head off because I fell for it and am now drinking her spit!!!

Who knows.. what can a girl do???

From 2 people who almost lost it all!

Some of you may or may not have read these blogs that I am going to post. If you have, then feel free to disregard them. I am going to be only blogging on this web page from now on, so I thought it might be nice to bring my blogs over from myspace. Enjoy..

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Poetry from 2 people who almost lost it all, but with the grace of God found something better than they could have ever imagined!

From Her to Him~

To the Pure Love I see in you.
From a heart that has been liberated


Where have you been?
Is this real? Am I breathing? No, wait I am dreaming.
Then you touch me, a kiss that says a thousand things. I try to capture every word, but my being gets swept up in your gaze and I dissolve into you.
When I am apart from you, my thoughts are never far. Can this be true? I have dreamt of you like this. No wait…. My dreams could never have seen this. My heart is so free.
My soul is aching to have you, even though I have just drunk of you. My heart beats fast when you touch me, there is so much I want to give you, and let you see. Will I awake to find this feeling again?
You're the only one; I have longed to let in.
Here you are in front of me, you have the key, and I am breathless to know….. Where have you been my Love?

From Him to Her~

Understood

Understood. That is all you wanted.
Understood. That is all you needed.
That which you desired,
In my heart you tried to acquire.
Inside of you a storm was raging,
The man of your dreams, consumed by darkness
Understood. Your hope was fading.
For just a moment you looked away,
In anothor's words,
You found a way through your days,
Understood. You thought you were,
A false hope was all he gave,
It was my voice you really craved.
Understood. Your hopelessness was embraced.
Understood. That is all I wanted.
Understood. That is all I needed.
A tomb of darkness I was trapped.
A way of escape I could not map.
Too long in the dark, my eyes were blind.
No memories of light my mind could not find.
Letting go, my heart was hardening.
For a shadow of you my black heart settled.
All that was yours, to her I surrendered.
For a lifetime, I looked away,
In no one's words
I could find a way through my days.
Understood. My life was cursed.
Understood. My soul was hollow.
A false god I did follow,
My whole heart it did swallow.
Understood. My love was devoured.
Understood. This was our final hour.
Understood. Perfect Love a Cross did give.
Understood. He makes dead things live.
From my tomb I did arise,
From my eyes, He removed the blinds.
When I looked for the first time,
Always in front of me was the key to my prison.
Understood. I was the author of our pain.
Understood. Could even He, make you love me again?
Understood. There are miracles in His pierced hands.
Understood. He erases the serpents evil plans.
A new heart in me created.
A new love in us forever,
How can this be? Only in fairy tales this can exist,
Every moment with you I cannot resist
A love so full so new, a taste of heaven our hearts renewed.
Understood. We have all we wanted.
Understood. His power is real.
Understood. Our lives the serpent did steal.
Understood. In Him our love, forever sealed.

In Memory of "Lil Bit" My Cat!

LITTLE BIT

I have always been a cat person. After I got married I found out very quickly that Jason was allergic to cats. My sweet husband suffered through several years of very bad allergies to allow me to have a cat in our home! Finally we realized that a cat was something we could not have in our home.

About 2 and half years ago, a stray cat was dropped off at my office. She had a black and white kitten with her that looked way to big to be still nursing, but he must have been the momma's favorite because she allowed him to still nurse. I fell in love with him and thought.. I could keep a cat here at the office. We found the mamma a home and I kept the kitten. I named him lil bit because he was just a little bit of a thing, but had tons of attitude!

He was the perfect cat. He was not a lap cat, but he loved to know that I was near. Every morning he would come up and put his paws on my chair for a head scratch. I always knew when he was out of water or food because he would start knocking things off my desk and walk in front of my monitor until I got the point.

He loved to go outside and he knew he could not walk out that door until he had his leash on. He would get all excited when I grabbed the leash and headed for the door!

We ended up getting another stray named Minnie for him to have some company at night. They really liked each other.. I must admit Minnie is not my favorite, but she made bit happy.


He was only over 2 years old and he got a bad bladder infection. I took him to the vet and they put him on antibiotics and steriods, but he just was not getting better. This past week was so difficult seeing him fade away. He actually needed me this week and I gladly took care of him. When I found that he had passed away this morning, I held him and told him what a good boy he was. My daughter was with me and she just held me as I cried and said my goodbyes to "my boy. Analise said "Momma he is not sick anymore and he is happy" What a smart little girl she is!

He was my grumpy old man that I adored and he will be missed!

Date Night... Yeah!

I got off work early and Analise took the bus home, so I didn't have to wait in the long car line of parents to get her. Jason and I decided it would be a great date night. I call the parents and of course they would love to watch her and actually asked if she could stay the night... yippeeee wooohooo! So we pack her back and get ready and head out.

We went to see the new 007 movie.. which is totally a great movie! ALOT of action.. and then we went to Macaroni Grill. We had the chef trio. You get a salad, main dish and dessert for a great price! Jason got the lasagna and I got something called pasta milano and it was good, but I think the chef spilled a whole bottle of oregano into my plate.
So, my sweet husband said I like oregano so let's switch... Isn't he sweet???

After dinner we decided to just head home and chill.. I feel like I am hardly home anymore so it was nice to kick back... Jason and I said.. we must be getting old.... I think we were in bed by 10:30! Oh well that is the way we roll! :-)

Frustration

I am going to try this blog thing and see if I can get some negative feelings out. I HATE to be misunderstood!! I work hard and do a darn good job of it! I am so tired of having to deal with the whims of others! I am done feeling like I have to prove myself. Everyone that is here and around me know that I kick butt and that is all that matters. I am trying to pray through this latest episode and follow God's example of Grace, but I am human. I bet this is a little bit of how God might of felt hanging on the cross.. knowing that he was doing everything right and for us, but we threw rocks at him a spit at him when he was blameless. I just have a very tiny portion of what he might have felt and it is hurting. I am trying to give up this feeling of being justified in feeling angry and bitter.

Ultimately, I am a child of God and I need to rest is will! But please God, can you get me outta here soon???

Staring out the window

I am sitting at my desk staring out the window. I have so much work to do, but my mind is faraway from here. Normally Fall is my favorite season, but this year has been different. My mind and heart have been on such a journey. It has been a difficult one, and has left me wondering who I am and how I got here.

I was reading my verse again today Philippians 3:13-14 (see above)like i usually do and a word stood out to me, struggle. I can honestly say that I never saw that word before in that verse. I looked it up and it means to contend with an adversary or opposing force.

So we are supposed to forget what is behind and contend with an adversary of opposing force for what is ahead! You know how I read that verse before? Forget what is behind and everything will be roses for what is ahead! I am laughing at that now, but up until today that is how I read it! I think that the easy part will be forgetting what is behind.. The hard part now will be struggling for what is ahead!

I want what is ahead for me. I want to run to the goal so that I can win the prize of being in heaven! What a prize that will be! It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in the emotions of living and expectations of living. With God's strength, I am going to struggle for what is ahead and have a Godly attitude about the struggle because spending eternity with him is soooo worth the "struggle"!

Love, Me

My little Girl

As some of you may or may not know, Analise is a gift from God. Jason and were told that we would not be able to have children. That news broke my heart, I so wanted to be a mother. I shed many tears and spent many nights at the altar crying my "Hannah" tears.

I had alot of healing and breaking of mindsets because of choices I had made in my past. God had to restore many things in me, but I remember one night at the altar that I finally truly let go and I remember saying out loud to him "You know what God, I am good if I never have a child or never get a chance to mother a child". God must have seen my sincere heart that night.

About a week later, we had a Prophet from South Africa speaking in our service... I know I know.. some of them can be weird and I don't always believe every word out of their mouths, but I do know that if God can use a Donkey.. then he can also speak through a man.. :-)

The church staff was back in the pastors office with the man from South Africa, just being silly and relaxing after service. All of a sudden he stands up and looks at Jason and I says "So you do not have any children?" Jason responds with a no and tells him that we have been told by Doctors that we never will. The man walks over to us and is just glaring at us, but with love in his eyes and says, "May I lay hands on your wife's womb"? Jason says yes, that would be fine. He then prays a very simple but powerful prayer and then walks away from us and turns around with a huge smile on his face and says "You call me when your daughter is born"!

Jason and I walked out of there hopeful for the first time in a long time, but also not wanting to get our hopes up to high.. I chose to cling onto the word from God. I wrote it down on paper and posted it on my refrigerator and one in my bible. I read it daily, sometimes a dozen times a day!

Almost a year went by and no positive pregnancy tests. Jason and I stopped talking about the word and went on with life. Then almost a year to the day of the prophet giving us the word from the Lord I started to feel very very tired! I half heartedly took a pee test and laid it aside and went to cook dinner. I came back awhile later and expected to see a great big negative, but this time I say a very faint...I mean very faint positive line. I didn't know how to feel! I was excited, but still did not want my heart broken again. Jason came home late that night and I ran up to him and asked him what he saw and he said that he say a faint line too... I remember the feeling in the room that night.. We had joy and hope again.

I made an appointment with my Gyno and I walked into the office after peeing on a stick and he said.. why are you here? He said of course your pregnant, but you are way early.. we will see you in about a month. I asked him.. "So I am really pregnant" ? He just laughed.. Yes you are pregnant. Go home and take vitamins and we will see you soon! Jason and I walked out of there so happy.

I had the perfect pregnancy, I loved being pregnant! I just thank my heavenly father for the precious gift that he gave me. Analise (which mean God's Gracious Promise) is such a blessing! She is my everything! God has entrusted me with such a priceless gift of being her mother. I am not perfect, and I mess up alot, but another thing that God gave Analise was a compassionate heart. When I lose my temper or get frustrated with her, I always come back to her and ask for her forgiveness and tell her that mommy was wrong in the way I acted. Analise just grabs my face with her little hands and says" That's OK mommy, you are still the BEST mommy in the whole wide world"! I guess that just sums it up! Thank you Jesus for giving me this precious gift!

New to this....

As if keeping up with Myspace and Facebook is not already enough, I feel the urge to start blogging. This urge may last a day, week or maybe a year! I am willing to flow with this new found feeling. I think that it maybe a good thing to journal things that are happening in the Jones Family. Analise is growing so fast and has a great personality. She says some very smart and funny things that I can't wait to start sharing on this blog. Feel free to check out what is happening in our little part of the world! Wish me luck!