Alot has happened since my wonderful anniversary weekend in January. Looking back now.. I am so thankful that Jason and I had that time and we actually TOOK that time.
I have been diving so much deeper into my Father God. It has just taken on a whole new level for me. I want to know more.. I want to see more.... I want to feel more.. I want to give more.. I want my heart to be used....I just want more!
This song has been burning in me:
I see the king of glory Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah I see his love and mercy Washing over all our sin
The people sing The people sing
Hosanna Hosanna Hosanna in the highest
I see a generation Rising up to take their place
With selfless faithWith selfless faith
I see a near revival Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our kneesWe're on our knees
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity
It is a song that I have sung many times... but one day as I was driving... Tears just starting rolling down my face and my soul was crying the words out to him in a pray. Especially the part about Selfless faith.... and to heal my heart and make it clean .. Open up my eyes to the things unseen.. Show me how to love like you have loved me.... Break my heart from what breaks yours....
I can't shake it..... that song still stirs me....
With all that being said.... My world has been rocked.... I would like to say that it came as a shock, but it has not.. I have known that something was going to change or break.
I have lost my job. I worked for 5 years for an extremely difficult boss.. I am usually able to get along with, work for, just about anyone.. but I was left with so much confusion and frustration from this man.. I was left empty inside. I stayed because the money was good. But there came a point that I had to stand up for me and with alot of prayer.. I mean alot of prayer and counsel... I am no longer there. I am now among the million other people that are unemployed. I just new that if I stayed, it was robbing me of ME and what God wanted to show or do through me.
I am a people pleaser... (wow... I actually just admitted that)... and it hurts inside to know that there is someone (my boss) out there, that thinks less of me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I gave so much to that place and it never was enough. But... I think that is what God is trying to break in me.. The man pleasing. He wants all of me.. even that part.
I am surrounded by people that love and support every decision I am making. My Father and Mother, My mother and father n law, my brother and sister n law, my staff at the business I left, and most importantly My husband! I am in awe at what God is doing through him.... He has been my rock through all this and he is also willing to sacrifice it all (if need be) for us to follow God's heart. I have never felt so connected to another human being before. I have been married to him for 12 years and since September of last year, I can honestly say that it has never been like this.
I am trusting God and learning about Selfless Faith...
*selfless faith comes from the Bible and is a faith that goes beyond your own needs and desires, total commitment.
Wow..... Can I acheive that....??? I know I cannot on my own. I need you Father God!
Camp Siloam Part Two
2 days ago