The Jones Family Diary

Forgotten Blog...

2010-10-01T23:46:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here alone in the living room and everyone else is asleep. Let me tell you that this NEVER happens... I am always the first to bed.. but tonight my spirit is restless. I can't explain it, but I am so not ready for sleep.

It has been so long since my last post... what do I even type? Life has been strange for me. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't even know how to explain it, but I hope this is only temporary.

A Very Special Poem From My Amazing Husband!

2009-05-09T22:40:00.007-05:00

I Remember Mother's Day

I remember when it was a day of mourning,
When you cried the tears of Hanna.
I remember the pain in my heart,
When you tried to spare my feelings.
I remember the shame that plagued you,
When you remembered a youthful regret.
I remember turning to doctors for an answer,
When, "I'm sorry..." was all they could say.
I remember giving up,
When we could not find nor afford another way.

I remember a prophets question,
When a prayer and a prediction birthed hope.
I remember it was a daughter he foresaw,
When in my heart I confess, little faith was found.
I remember such wasn't the case with you,
When a well of hope in your heart began to rise.

I remember a late night of work and a long drive home,
When I was met at the door by a woman full of excited trepidation.
I remember a bag in in her hand, full of sticks that were positive,
When you were too afraid to trust your own eyes, you looked to mine.
I remember the rush, I couldn't believe what I was seeing,
When I saw your face, I couldn't believe what I was feeling.
It was a year to the day of that man's prayer,
When God saw another Hanna and in love a prayer was answered.

I remember that day in March, I was so excited, so nervous,
When you cried, "I can't do this..." I held your hand and said, "Push"
I remember when she shot out like a bullet, maybe too much push!
When it was over, I looked to make sure my girls were both good.

I remember that feeling...
When I first looked at her face.

I remember the nurse putting her in your arms,
When all hope had almost been lost, the miracle asleep on your chest.

I remember when the day became a day of rejoicing,
When I bought my very first card for you.
I remember when there were still tears,
When you thought of the blessing and the dream God had given.
I remember year after year thanking God for a miracle named Analise,
When a man had given up, and a woman did not.

I remember Mother's day when it was a day of mourning,
I remember Mother's day it's forever a day of rejoicing.

Selfless Faith..... Can it be acheived?

2009-02-18T09:30:00.003-06:00

Alot has happened since my wonderful anniversary weekend in January. Looking back now.. I am so thankful that Jason and I had that time and we actually TOOK that time.

I have been diving so much deeper into my Father God. It has just taken on a whole new level for me. I want to know more.. I want to see more.... I want to feel more.. I want to give more.. I want my heart to be used....I just want more!

This song has been burning in me:

I see the king of glory Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah I see his love and mercy Washing over all our sin
The people sing The people sing
Hosanna Hosanna Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation Rising up to take their place

With selfless faithWith selfless faith

I see a near revival Stirring as we pray and seek

We're on our kneesWe're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity

It is a song that I have sung many times... but one day as I was driving... Tears just starting rolling down my face and my soul was crying the words out to him in a pray. Especially the part about Selfless faith.... and to heal my heart and make it clean .. Open up my eyes to the things unseen.. Show me how to love like you have loved me.... Break my heart from what breaks yours....

I can't shake it..... that song still stirs me....

With all that being said.... My world has been rocked.... I would like to say that it came as a shock, but it has not.. I have known that something was going to change or break.

I have lost my job. I worked for 5 years for an extremely difficult boss.. I am usually able to get along with, work for, just about anyone.. but I was left with so much confusion and frustration from this man.. I was left empty inside. I stayed because the money was good. But there came a point that I had to stand up for me and with alot of prayer.. I mean alot of prayer and counsel... I am no longer there. I am now among the million other people that are unemployed. I just new that if I stayed, it was robbing me of ME and what God wanted to show or do through me.

I am a people pleaser... (wow... I actually just admitted that)... and it hurts inside to know that there is someone (my boss) out there, that thinks less of me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I gave so much to that place and it never was enough. But... I think that is what God is trying to break in me.. The man pleasing. He wants all of me.. even that part.

I am surrounded by people that love and support every decision I am making. My Father and Mother, My mother and father n law, my brother and sister n law, my staff at the business I left, and most importantly My husband! I am in awe at what God is doing through him.... He has been my rock through all this and he is also willing to sacrifice it all (if need be) for us to follow God's heart. I have never felt so connected to another human being before. I have been married to him for 12 years and since September of last year, I can honestly say that it has never been like this.

I am trusting God and learning about Selfless Faith...

*selfless faith comes from the Bible and is a faith that goes beyond your own needs and desires, total commitment.

Wow..... Can I acheive that....??? I know I cannot on my own. I need you Father God!

God's blessings and Tower Suites

2009-01-23T12:26:00.010-06:00

I am soooo excited... I have to write a blog quickly... SO it was payday today and I open my check and there is a very unexpected bonus in there. PRAISE the LORD!! My mind immediately goes to my 12th Anniversary this weekend... I have a talk with my self for a sec and wonder.. "could it possibly work out"? My self tells me "Why don't you call and find out" Ok, so here it is..

We have had no special plans for our Anniversary. Every year we talk about staying at the place we spent our honeymoon at. Then of course for one reason or another we don't do it. Usually because of money (lack of).

Nervously, I dialed the Number and said "I know this is late notice, but is the Tower Suite available for tomorrow night" (and I tell her about it being our anniversary and that is where we stayed on our wedding night). She puts me on hold and quickly comes back and says "Yes it is available and I can even discount it for you".... I was blown away and giddy and tell her give me 5 minutes to call my husband. I call Jason and we talk it over and it just all seems to so surreal. Jason says "Let's do it"! I call her back all excited and confirm for tomorrow night.

Here are some pics of where we are staying again 12 years later! It is call the Elfindale Mansion! We are staying the Tower Suite!

You can actually go up in the tower and look out. It is so pretty!

I remember that naive young woman 12 years ago. She thought she knew what she was getting into and that she loved this man with all her heart! Come to find... she had NO clue what she was getting into AND the love she felt for him, was just a DROP of what she feels for him 12 years later!

Happy Anniversary BABY!!!

Blogger Envy........

2009-01-22T12:12:00.005-06:00

I know, I know... I haven't blogged in over a month.. I skipped right through Christmas and New Years without a peep from me... Plenty has happend that is blog worthy. In fact you don't know how many times.... Analise would say something witty or do something funny and I would say to myself.. oooo you so need to blog about that.. but still, nothing...

Well, here is the reason why...... (drum roll please) I have been reading other people's blogs and I have to admit.... I got Blogger Envy! Does anyone know what I am talking about? From something as simple as the way someone may have there blog set up, or wow... there life seems so exciting.. who would want to hear about mine.. Kudos to all you bloggers out there..... Your blogs are awesome!.. Hopefully one day my blog can remotely come close to the professionals.... :-) I am chuckling to myself as I type this.. but come on, I know someone out there has to know what I am talking about!

So a quick catch up: Christmas was incredible this year and New Years was awesome. We spent it in church taking Communion as a family. It will be a memory I will hold dear! (maybe in a later blog tell you why that was so special to me)

My 12th Anniversary is Sunday. I so do not feel old enough to be married for 12 years! But this one is going to be special no matter what we do. As of today, we have no plans. My Hubby is sick with a bad cold.. and you know he had to share with me. (thanks Jason) Hopefully we will be feeling better before Sunday.. Or we might be celebrating our anniversary in our PJ's on the couch wiping our noses.. (How romantic) This picture is us 12 years ago........

Analise update:

Her 2 front teeth are about to both fall out! Her pour gums are so red and swollen. I try to get her to wiggle them everyday but I think she is nervous about losing both of them! I wonder how much the tooth fairy will bring for both of her front teeth? Hopefully the Tooth Fairy has some mula in her bank.. :-)

I am proud to say that Analise got all straight A's again this quarter! That is my girl! She is so smart and loves to read and do her homework. Thankfully she takes after her daddy in this area.. :-)

Analise had her 1st non-family member's house sleep over. Adrian and Analise have been friends since they were 3 years old. Adrian's mom Nikki decided that she would venture out and let Adrian have a sleep over with Analise. I thought she was nutz, she just gave birth to her 2nd baby a month ago! Anywhoo.. I went along with it. I dropped her off, forced my kisses on her and told her to be good....... Then Jason and I went on a date.. We had a great time. I thought about calling Nikki about 10 times that night, but I had self control. Nikki called me in the morning and she sounded awful. I guess the girls stayed up to 1:30 and then woke up at 6:00!!!! I said.. why didn't you separate them? Nikki said she didn't have the heart too, but she did yell at them. As you can imagine, this will not be happening again anytime soon. Mainly because it is my turn next. I know I will not be as tolerant! I am BIG on sleep!

Last but not least:

I have put on about 10 OK.. maybe 13 pounds over the past few months. I knew it was time to starting focusing on loosing those lbs again when................. Sunday morning.. I just finished leading Children's church worship and my daughter runs up to me and says "Mommy, is there a baby in there? Your stomach is all squishy!!!" Ummmm... I was like no there is not a baby.. Mommy has just gained a little weight and I immediately tell her to go sit down..... and vow that I will do sit ups that afternoon! OK.. if that wasn't bad enough, last night we are sitting on the couch watching Lost and Analise starts rubbing her finger under my chin and says in a very loud voice "Mommy you have 2 chins" Shoot Me Now!!! So I went to the track and ran/walked about 3 miles!! I feel a little better.. I wonder what else she will just happen to notice???

Sorry this has dragged on.. If you hung with me this far.. then you must be a family member.

:-)

I promise to write more often! Tootles!

The Nightmare

2008-12-10T07:38:00.001-06:00

Let's start this off by saying I NEVER ok.. very rarely remember my dreams.. but early this morning, I had one of those dreams that just rips your heart out and hands it on a platter to you.

I dreamt that Analise and I were at some kinda of huge aquarium like the ones at Bass Pro. Analise ran ahead of me and jumped in the tank and was looking for stuff on the bottom.. (she loves to do that) I come up to the tank and start yelling at her to get out. All I do is yell and she acts like she doesn't even hear me. I continue to yell and the next thing I know is... she starts gasping in water and dies right in front of me. As the dream continues, I wake up in bed next to Jason, he is so mad at me. All he says is, why didn't you jump in and save her. I run to the back room and my parents are going through old photos on a bed and I just look at them.. They look back up at me, but they don't say anything.. I run back to the kitchen screaming and crying hysterical and I get out a phone book to call the Table Rock Aquarium (that is the name of the place in my dream) to see where my baby Analise is. and then I wake up!

I immediately get out of bed and wipe my eyes and Rush to see if Analise is ok.. She is sound asleep...... As I walk back down the hallway back to bed..a few tears are run down my face and my heart is racing and it actually hurts. I can still hear Jason's voice from my dream, saying "why didn't you save her?" I still don't have an answer to that.... and yes my heart is still hurting... I wake Jason up and tell him the dream and he just holds me.

I guess that is why I probably shouldn't have read the Bible book of Hosea before bed. Anywhoo.. I just had to get this outta my mind and written down... Any ideas what it might mean? :-)

Thanksgiving and Showboatin... Branson Style!

2008-12-06T21:49:00.005-06:00

I have just not had the time to blogg.. like I would like too.. so this one will sum up the past couple of weeks..

Thanks giving was amazing this year. We went to my brother's house. Johnnie made the turkey and yummy polish sausage and kraut (our polish tradition every year). oooo By the way we found and awesome European Market on Campbell Street in Springfield. It is a great store with very friendly polish owners! Jason made the mashed potatoes and I made the sweet potaoe soufle and green bean casserole. Dad made a great salad and some other dish.. that I didn't really care for .. (sorry dad) and of course.. my sister n law Sarah made her pies.. Chocolate, banana and sawdust.. yum yum..

We had a late lunch and then we played Rockband 2 and watch Hulk and hung out as a fam..

I am incredibly thankful this year. Jason and I went through so much in our marriage and we almost didn't make it. But we serve an incredible God and only by his strength and grace we are still together! At one point during the day Jason and I just looked at each other with tears coming down thinking of what this holiday could have been like if we were not a family..... We have sooooosooo much to be Thankful for. This January 25th we will celebrate our 12th anniversary. It will be an awesome day for us! That sums up Thanksging 2008!

One of the perks of living in a tourist town is getting free tickets to all the shows. Every year... one of my residents gives me Showboat tickets to the Branson Belle. It is a huge boat that cruises up and down Table Rock Lake. You get a very delicious meal and show! This year I took my mom and of course Analise. We had so much fun and I think the pictures will show exactly how much fun we had. Analise likes to take silly pics.

Here is the website if you would like to check it out!

http://www.showboatbransonbelle.com/

On a side note... My niece just turned 13 today!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESS!!!! Oh my goodness I am getting old! She is a teenager.. watch out Springfield..... I found a pic of Bess when she was probably about 5 or 6 and one of her and I from a week ago...... Tooo me.. she will always be that little 5 year old girl..... Love you Bessie.. and pretty please.. stop growing! :-)

My 5 year old and the talk!

2008-12-02T16:22:00.004-06:00

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

My 5 year old and "the talk"

I just finished bathing Analise and she looks up at me and says "Mommy, do I have a wiener or a hooha"? I said a what? "A wiener or a whooha MOMMY"! I'm like who said that? She says no one, I she just thought it up.. I'm like yeah right.. Well I figure since she is asking I might as well share the technical term for it, as any good parent should right? So I asked her if she has seen baby Fisher without his diaper and she says Yes. I said that God made boys and girls different and boys have penis' and Girls have vagina's. She just looks at me and laughs and says 'mommy I CAN'T say that, so I will just call them wieners and whoohas"!

I finished blow drying her hair and the whole time I am thinking about good parenting and how I should handle this situation and many more to come. So I shut the dryer off and say you know Analise, you can talk to mommy about anything, right? She just looks at me weird, like mommy is thinking to hard, and says "Yeah, Mom I know". I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling I have jumped a parenting hurdle. I put Lou to bed and run into the living room and tell Jason all about it, we giggle and then it hits us...... Our little girl is out there in the world with all those WIENERS!!! Oh no! Jason puts a spit shine on his rifle preparing for the future!

I'd rather give birth again

2008-12-02T16:20:00.002-06:00

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I would rather give birth again!

I guess I should start from the beginning........ I was 8 and with my parents at one of there friends house. Well as usual all the kids were told to go to the basement. (If only they REALLY knew what all went on down there.. lol) The basement had that slippery cement. I was running away from a boy who was trying to kiss me. (looking back now... I should have stopped and laid a kiss on that boy that he would never forget!) anywhoo... so as I was running i fell flat on my face, cracking my 2 front teeth.

25 years later..... The root of one of the front teeth finally breathed its last breathe and died.. leaving me with a nasty infection and having to get a Root Canal!
Well, everyone that I talked 2 said that Root Canals are no big deal and dentristy has come a long way baby! I was still extremely nervous! 9:00 AM on Friday came all to soon, and the next thing I know I am laying on the dentist table and almost crying because I a so scared. Then the dentist says the magic words... Would I like some happy gas before the shot?? Who wouldn't want happy gas! So they hook it up over my nose and I breathe.. then about 10 seconds into it I feel REALLY happy. So I do what comes naturally and give my dentist 2 thumbs up and say "I am feeling great.. do whatever you gotta do"!! Well she starts laughing and drags out the HUGE needle! Luckily... I was HAPPY!!!

About 15 minutes into the procedure.. I see a very worried look on the dentists face. She asks if I am OK now and if she can take the happy gas off. Regretfully... I tell her I'm OK and take it off. Needless to say that 3 hours later and a whole lot of discomfort she finishes. She had to make 2 incisions and I had to have 5 shots! She also said that this was one of worst and most difficult Root canals ever! I am left very sore and with stitches in my mouth. She gave me some great pain meds, antibiotics and something for swelling because she said that she was pretty rough on my face. Honestly, I already knew that because at one point she was physically pulling me off the chair from my mouth. With it all over and done. I can say that I will not be doing this again in a VERY long time!!

I don't know who to be more mad at!

2008-12-02T16:19:00.004-06:00

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I don't know who to me more mad at!!!

1. My insurance man that said "your last ticket was almost 3 years ago, so your record is almost clear, be sure not to get a ticket"!

2. The fact that I was headed to Starbucks.. darn that addiction

3. At myself and the fact that I was speeding. (doesn't everyone)?

Anywhooo.. I got a speeding ticket..... again!

I think I need to learn how to bat my eyelashes and flirt a little more.. yea.. maybe that would work!

Can a girl just an ice coffee without spit in it.. please!

2008-12-02T16:17:00.002-06:00

Here is another one!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Can a girl just get an ice coffee WITHOUT spit in it?

Being a Property Manager from time to time I have to evict people from their homes. (ok forget time to time.. pretty much all the time) Well, last week I had a particular bad one. She had a few chosen gestures and words for me. No big deal.. I had a few words for her too! I ended up having to trespass her off my property!

So this morning I slept in late and did have time for my addiction.. Starbucks, so I decided to get an ice coffee from McDonald's. I go through the drive thru and order very sweetly and pay my money and pull up to get my drink. I see a hand sticking out the window with my coffee.. I look up and of course... it is the girl I evicted!!! I pulled my arm back from grabbing my drink and I am about to just pull away and say forget it.. When she leans on the window edge and says I have been wanting to talk to you. I am sorry about what I said I was just stressed out. I was taken a back at this, but i went with it. I said that I do care, but I have a job to do... blah blah blah.. Well after the talk I take my coffee and I drive off.. I stare at the drink.. extremely thirsty and debate in my head about if I should drink it or not.

Well my thirst won and I drank it... so far so good.. I am not sick and I guess I will never know if she is back at McDonald's laughing her head off because I fell for it and am now drinking her spit!!!

Who knows.. what can a girl do???

From 2 people who almost lost it all!

2008-12-02T16:10:00.004-06:00

Some of you may or may not have read these blogs that I am going to post. If you have, then feel free to disregard them. I am going to be only blogging on this web page from now on, so I thought it might be nice to bring my blogs over from myspace. Enjoy..

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Poetry from 2 people who almost lost it all, but with the grace of God found something better than they could have ever imagined!

From Her to Him~

To the Pure Love I see in you.
From a heart that has been liberated

Where have you been?
Is this real? Am I breathing? No, wait I am dreaming.
Then you touch me, a kiss that says a thousand things. I try to capture every word, but my being gets swept up in your gaze and I dissolve into you.
When I am apart from you, my thoughts are never far. Can this be true? I have dreamt of you like this. No wait…. My dreams could never have seen this. My heart is so free.
My soul is aching to have you, even though I have just drunk of you. My heart beats fast when you touch me, there is so much I want to give you, and let you see. Will I awake to find this feeling again?
You're the only one; I have longed to let in.
Here you are in front of me, you have the key, and I am breathless to know….. Where have you been my Love?

From Him to Her~

Understood

Understood. That is all you wanted.
Understood. That is all you needed.
That which you desired,
In my heart you tried to acquire.
Inside of you a storm was raging,
The man of your dreams, consumed by darkness
Understood. Your hope was fading.
For just a moment you looked away,
In anothor's words,
You found a way through your days,
Understood. You thought you were,
A false hope was all he gave,
It was my voice you really craved.
Understood. Your hopelessness was embraced.
Understood. That is all I wanted.
Understood. That is all I needed.
A tomb of darkness I was trapped.
A way of escape I could not map.
Too long in the dark, my eyes were blind.
No memories of light my mind could not find.
Letting go, my heart was hardening.
For a shadow of you my black heart settled.
All that was yours, to her I surrendered.
For a lifetime, I looked away,
In no one's words
I could find a way through my days.
Understood. My life was cursed.
Understood. My soul was hollow.
A false god I did follow,
My whole heart it did swallow.
Understood. My love was devoured.
Understood. This was our final hour.
Understood. Perfect Love a Cross did give.
Understood. He makes dead things live.
From my tomb I did arise,
From my eyes, He removed the blinds.
When I looked for the first time,
Always in front of me was the key to my prison.
Understood. I was the author of our pain.
Understood. Could even He, make you love me again?
Understood. There are miracles in His pierced hands.
Understood. He erases the serpents evil plans.
A new heart in me created.
A new love in us forever,
How can this be? Only in fairy tales this can exist,
Every moment with you I cannot resist
A love so full so new, a taste of heaven our hearts renewed.
Understood. We have all we wanted.
Understood. His power is real.
Understood. Our lives the serpent did steal.
Understood. In Him our love, forever sealed.

In Memory of "Lil Bit" My Cat!

2008-11-23T12:54:00.011-06:00

LITTLE BIT

I have always been a cat person. After I got married I found out very quickly that Jason was allergic to cats. My sweet husband suffered through several years of very bad allergies to allow me to have a cat in our home! Finally we realized that a cat was something we could not have in our home.

About 2 and half years ago, a stray cat was dropped off at my office. She had a black and white kitten with her that looked way to big to be still nursing, but he must have been the momma's favorite because she allowed him to still nurse. I fell in love with him and thought.. I could keep a cat here at the office. We found the mamma a home and I kept the kitten. I named him lil bit because he was just a little bit of a thing, but had tons of attitude!

He was the perfect cat. He was not a lap cat, but he loved to know that I was near. Every morning he would come up and put his paws on my chair for a head scratch. I always knew when he was out of water or food because he would start knocking things off my desk and walk in front of my monitor until I got the point.

He loved to go outside and he knew he could not walk out that door until he had his leash on. He would get all excited when I grabbed the leash and headed for the door!

We ended up getting another stray named Minnie for him to have some company at night. They really liked each other.. I must admit Minnie is not my favorite, but she made bit happy.

He was only over 2 years old and he got a bad bladder infection. I took him to the vet and they put him on antibiotics and steriods, but he just was not getting better. This past week was so difficult seeing him fade away. He actually needed me this week and I gladly took care of him. When I found that he had passed away this morning, I held him and told him what a good boy he was. My daughter was with me and she just held me as I cried and said my goodbyes to "my boy. Analise said "Momma he is not sick anymore and he is happy" What a smart little girl she is!

He was my grumpy old man that I adored and he will be missed!

Date Night... Yeah!

2008-11-15T07:56:00.004-06:00

I got off work early and Analise took the bus home, so I didn't have to wait in the long car line of parents to get her. Jason and I decided it would be a great date night. I call the parents and of course they would love to watch her and actually asked if she could stay the night... yippeeee wooohooo! So we pack her back and get ready and head out.

We went to see the new 007 movie.. which is totally a great movie! ALOT of action.. and then we went to Macaroni Grill. We had the chef trio. You get a salad, main dish and dessert for a great price! Jason got the lasagna and I got something called pasta milano and it was good, but I think the chef spilled a whole bottle of oregano into my plate.
So, my sweet husband said I like oregano so let's switch... Isn't he sweet???

After dinner we decided to just head home and chill.. I feel like I am hardly home anymore so it was nice to kick back... Jason and I said.. we must be getting old.... I think we were in bed by 10:30! Oh well that is the way we roll! :-)

Frustration

2008-11-13T16:47:00.002-06:00

I am going to try this blog thing and see if I can get some negative feelings out. I HATE to be misunderstood!! I work hard and do a darn good job of it! I am so tired of having to deal with the whims of others! I am done feeling like I have to prove myself. Everyone that is here and around me know that I kick butt and that is all that matters. I am trying to pray through this latest episode and follow God's example of Grace, but I am human. I bet this is a little bit of how God might of felt hanging on the cross.. knowing that he was doing everything right and for us, but we threw rocks at him a spit at him when he was blameless. I just have a very tiny portion of what he might have felt and it is hurting. I am trying to give up this feeling of being justified in feeling angry and bitter.

Ultimately, I am a child of God and I need to rest is will! But please God, can you get me outta here soon???

Staring out the window

2008-11-12T09:18:00.004-06:00

I am sitting at my desk staring out the window. I have so much work to do, but my mind is faraway from here. Normally Fall is my favorite season, but this year has been different. My mind and heart have been on such a journey. It has been a difficult one, and has left me wondering who I am and how I got here.

I was reading my verse again today Philippians 3:13-14 (see above)like i usually do and a word stood out to me, struggle. I can honestly say that I never saw that word before in that verse. I looked it up and it means to contend with an adversary or opposing force.

So we are supposed to forget what is behind and contend with an adversary of opposing force for what is ahead! You know how I read that verse before? Forget what is behind and everything will be roses for what is ahead! I am laughing at that now, but up until today that is how I read it! I think that the easy part will be forgetting what is behind.. The hard part now will be struggling for what is ahead!

I want what is ahead for me. I want to run to the goal so that I can win the prize of being in heaven! What a prize that will be! It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in the emotions of living and expectations of living. With God's strength, I am going to struggle for what is ahead and have a Godly attitude about the struggle because spending eternity with him is soooo worth the "struggle"!

Love, Me

My little Girl

2008-11-11T15:40:00.005-06:00

As some of you may or may not know, Analise is a gift from God. Jason and were told that we would not be able to have children. That news broke my heart, I so wanted to be a mother. I shed many tears and spent many nights at the altar crying my "Hannah" tears.

I had alot of healing and breaking of mindsets because of choices I had made in my past. God had to restore many things in me, but I remember one night at the altar that I finally truly let go and I remember saying out loud to him "You know what God, I am good if I never have a child or never get a chance to mother a child". God must have seen my sincere heart that night.

About a week later, we had a Prophet from South Africa speaking in our service... I know I know.. some of them can be weird and I don't always believe every word out of their mouths, but I do know that if God can use a Donkey.. then he can also speak through a man.. :-)

The church staff was back in the pastors office with the man from South Africa, just being silly and relaxing after service. All of a sudden he stands up and looks at Jason and I says "So you do not have any children?" Jason responds with a no and tells him that we have been told by Doctors that we never will. The man walks over to us and is just glaring at us, but with love in his eyes and says, "May I lay hands on your wife's womb"? Jason says yes, that would be fine. He then prays a very simple but powerful prayer and then walks away from us and turns around with a huge smile on his face and says "You call me when your daughter is born"!

Jason and I walked out of there hopeful for the first time in a long time, but also not wanting to get our hopes up to high.. I chose to cling onto the word from God. I wrote it down on paper and posted it on my refrigerator and one in my bible. I read it daily, sometimes a dozen times a day!

Almost a year went by and no positive pregnancy tests. Jason and I stopped talking about the word and went on with life. Then almost a year to the day of the prophet giving us the word from the Lord I started to feel very very tired! I half heartedly took a pee test and laid it aside and went to cook dinner. I came back awhile later and expected to see a great big negative, but this time I say a very faint...I mean very faint positive line. I didn't know how to feel! I was excited, but still did not want my heart broken again. Jason came home late that night and I ran up to him and asked him what he saw and he said that he say a faint line too... I remember the feeling in the room that night.. We had joy and hope again.

I made an appointment with my Gyno and I walked into the office after peeing on a stick and he said.. why are you here? He said of course your pregnant, but you are way early.. we will see you in about a month. I asked him.. "So I am really pregnant" ? He just laughed.. Yes you are pregnant. Go home and take vitamins and we will see you soon! Jason and I walked out of there so happy.

I had the perfect pregnancy, I loved being pregnant! I just thank my heavenly father for the precious gift that he gave me. Analise (which mean God's Gracious Promise) is such a blessing! She is my everything! God has entrusted me with such a priceless gift of being her mother. I am not perfect, and I mess up alot, but another thing that God gave Analise was a compassionate heart. When I lose my temper or get frustrated with her, I always come back to her and ask for her forgiveness and tell her that mommy was wrong in the way I acted. Analise just grabs my face with her little hands and says" That's OK mommy, you are still the BEST mommy in the whole wide world"! I guess that just sums it up! Thank you Jesus for giving me this precious gift!

New to this....

2008-11-10T15:21:00.004-06:00

As if keeping up with Myspace and Facebook is not already enough, I feel the urge to start blogging. This urge may last a day, week or maybe a year! I am willing to flow with this new found feeling. I think that it maybe a good thing to journal things that are happening in the Jones Family. Analise is growing so fast and has a great personality. She says some very smart and funny things that I can't wait to start sharing on this blog. Feel free to check out what is happening in our little part of the world! Wish me luck!